the Confession of Numbers

In the last three and a half weeks, I've run almost a half-marathon - 13 and change miles. Not all together but through my training with running every other day...and on the days I'm not running I swim. Damn, I've been feeling it too. My legs feel heavy and believe it or not, some of my underwear is becoming loose. Mini-Yay for me!

I know I never talk about scale numbers here...the pounds I was or am or planning to be. Why? I don't know...I guess it just didn't feel right. I read a lot of other AMAZING weight loss blogs and so many of them are losing upwards of 50 pounds, becoming half their previous sizes and I just didn't want to compare myself with that, I was shy. But...today it's different. I will talk about it today.

The morning of my delivery I was 181 pounds. At 5'2'', that's pretty damn huge. My feet couldn't even support my weight anymore and my tail bone was starting to crush. I delivered an 8 pound 1 ounce baby and the crazy huge placenta. (WHY the hell doesn't anyone tell you that delivering the placenta is like having another baby? Sheesh)

After the baby and all the water weight came off, I became 157 pounds. After my six week "take it easy" period, I started working out. Walking mostly, sometimes running. It was hard. I came down to 153 pounds and stayed there for 6 months. I didn't do squat. I was tired and overwhelmed by the new member of our family that I just didn't have the extra energy.

As of this morning, I'm now 141 pounds...and it's taken me roughly under 3 months to lose 12 pounds. It didn't feel like anything since I'm always thinking "shit, I have 16 more to lose to my goal" - but now that I put it in words, I gotta say I'm a little proud of myself. I was wearing size 8 jeans after the baby, and now that pair has become quite loose that I'm starting to fit into my old size 6 ones. It's still a little tight and the muffin top is kind of there, but it's not too bad.

At my height, my body mass index still says I'm overweight and Weight Watchers has this cool calculation thing that says 125 is my ideal weight for my type of body. That was my goal before I found out.

I was wearing a size 6 pre-baby and I was wearing a size 4 pre-meeting my husband. When I reach my goal, I will be a size happy. (Yikes, I sound like those gay Jenny Craig commercials!!! STOP ME!) I don't think it's about the size or number of pounds that's important here...the point is extra weight is really hard on your joints, bones, and body - I mean you're carrying around weight and that's TIRING! I feel it when I run; imagine running around with a 25 pound baby attached to you at all times. Yup, that's how I felt.

Losing weight is a kind of self-discipline. Getting yourself motivated to go get it done, changing ALL your eating habits...and actually sticking to it is the clincher. Signing up for 5K's has helped to keep me motivated. I have my off days, days I completely slack off, over-eating, cravings for McDonald's, cheesecakes, etc. And if I were on a strict regimen, I guess I would lose a pound or so every week. But it's not like that for me...I've hit the plateau many times. But you keep going, and you have to be patient as this is a transformation of sorts, and those things take time. I've found a diet that I can keep for further maintenance and one that doesn't deprive me. You can read all that stuff in the archives so I won't dwell on it here.

My deadline for reaching that 125 is still August, so I've got roughly 3 months. I have a scheduled 2 mile run with my girlfriend tonight and for losing weight, that's the best thing. SCHEDULE. Good luck in your fitness endeavors and know I'm always here if you want support for your weight loss journey.

p.s. I find that after having a baby, no matter how much weight you lose, there's still that extra skin there. Yes, that's another thing we just "gotta take", and, No, it won't go away.