Cast me in F*R*I*E*N*D*S please!

I'm going to admit here that I don't have the greatest luck in finding friends. I mean I have had some great people come into my life but somehow it always ends up that we both move away, lose touch, etc. I think I'm a pretty ok gal who's a good listener, honest opinion giver when asked, will help you out if you need it, will help you finish that bottle of wine :), and help you beat up that guy who hurt your feelings...so what the hell is the problem???

First of all, the thing I'm learning lately is that the friends you have and make are most of the time circumstantial. Obviously, you don't go out seeking them high and low with a sign on your forehead...they just kinda come into your life. Think about how many of your friends are from work or school...circumstance, no? Then, there are my friendships I developed because we have mommyhood in common. When I was single and mingling, I had my "party" friends because we had that in common...well, because we were all going out trying to get some action (not that kind...), I mean just some young girl fun, you know?

Well...when that circumstance fades...I find so do your friendships..unless they're really strong. I've graduated, so my college friends all have moved on to grad school or jobs, and now they have different friends. I'm not working, so the work friends I had probably forgot what I look like. Not everyone will have a baby at the same time you do, so I have maybe like 2 friends with children who just so happen to live hundreds of miles away. Forget trying to make mom friends at the park...they're already there with their OTHER mom friends having fun ignoring you while you repeatedly ask your non-speaking child, "Do you like to swing?" about 30 times just for some background noise.

Where are my Sex & the City friends?? Or even Rachel, Joey, Chandler...you know? Why don't they have shows about people who have NO best girl-friend, and best gay guy friend....oh yea...because it would be boring.

Now that I'm married, it seems that the most appropriate thing is if we have other "couple" friends, maybe married or serious. If +kid, then even more perfect. People make most out of a friendship if they have more in common. Because as much as I would love to, I can't drive 3 hours on a Saturday to ride around in a boat in 100 degree heat and then 4 hours back, to Chicago's nightlife to party...I'm a mother now (this one girl doesn't seem to understand that!)

So imagine how excited I was that we made some new friends this weekend...a couple! And both of them nice and from Mongolia too. They, too, were bored out of their minds living in this boring (read family-friendly) suburban town of ours, so we were all in the same boat - in the words of Jerry Maguire, we completed each other hahaha. Hope they don't find this blog and figure out how desperate I am....HEY! You would be too if you spend each and every single day for a whole YEAR being a stay-at-home mom!

Mommy's Big Pineapple

On this exact day a year ago, I was attending my graduation and had to share my day of celebration with all the other mothers in the audience. At some point, whoever was speaking at the time, I think our President, asked ALL the mothers to stand up to celebrate our day. I looked back to the thousands of people there and there were so many moms standing up proudly, including my mommy too.

Then.....there was me. I was six months pregnant and technically a mom, I guess. But I didn't know what to do....should I stand or keep quiet. I mean not many knew I was preggers anyway and not many students were standing up. Do I become a real mom when the baby is born or am I automatically a mom by being pregnant? By the time this whole thought process was through, all the mothers were sitting down while I almost got up. Yea, I regretted it.

This weekend has been like a national holiday at our household. I slept until 11am yesterday - scandalous! Came downstairs to a beautiful breakfast and absolutely gorgeous flowers, heart-shaped balloon, my favorite - CAKE!, and pineapple....hahahaha I love pineapple. Yes, the HUB is reading beside and is urging me to mention that it was the BIGGEST pineapple of the bunch. OK!

You guys know how I feel about sushi, he took me to our favorite Japanese place, which was just FULL of prom couples, who the hell knew that it was prom weekend too. Our little baby girl was just hanging out, taking in all the excitement - but I did make sure to thank her for making me a mommy. I'm supposed to go pick out my present today and ooooh am I excited! Happy Mother's Day!

p.s. Ladies (and lads), it's still not too late to send in your letters for To My Younger Self. I'm not very anal on deadlines so it's ALL GOOD...please participate.

My mother

Last night, I was working on my letter (for the To My Younger Self event....you should be too? :) And I was writing a section on my mother and how I should have loved her more when I was younger, of course I did but there were times I gave her lots of stress and disrespect - I was very rebellious. As I finished writing this...I thought to myself, "Geez, Jojo..it's going to be Mother's Day and you're only dedicating couple of sentences to your MOTHER?" No...she deserves a whole post, I thought. So here it is, first off let me include a picture of my mother and me, when I was a baby:
My mother's a beautiful woman, always has been....me, eh! as you can clearly see. If you ask anyone about my mom's character...they will tell you that she spent her whole life dedicating all of herself to her family...especially her children. From the generation she came from, and from our Asian culture, the women are the main nurturers. She came from a seven sibling family and when their parents died when she was a teenager, she nurtured all of her younger siblings and then the three of us when we were born.

My mother is a kind woman who cries very easily...she's ambitious, intelligent, and loving. She has her sharp-tongued moments..lol and her way of disciplining me was for me to learn from my own mistakes. She gently guided me and not only mothered, but befriended me in the closest way possible. Geez...she is the most patient person I've ever known, something which I didn't inherit, sadly, but becoming a mother myself has been a crash-course through patience itself.

When I see the wrinkles on her face and her hair graying...she forgets and complains about her back hurting...when I outgrew and she became shorter...it saddens me and I can't imagine my life without her in it. There were my stupid moments when I fought her over everything, when I would yell, kicking and screaming...I so regret. Mothers really DO want the best for you and every "nagging" comment is for your own good. She tells me that her granddaughter (LC) will get her revenge finally now that I'm in the same position. LOL!

My parents are separated now, and when both my brothers left to go back to our country, my mother and I only had each other in the vast land of America. Those were such difficult times, but we lived through it and proved that women are born with inherent perseverance. She is silent, strong, and brave...all things I hope to learn. I love you, mommy!

There is one other person I would like to mention in this post. And this is another mother I've gained in my life. My mother-in-law. She may not have given birth to me, but she's become my second mother nonetheless. She called me everyday when I was pregnant, and she couldn't love my little girl any less than me. She gave birth to my wonderful husband (though I swear to GOD there are moments when I wanna...you know?), she taught him to respect women, to be a good father, and THANK GOD, be helpful around the house. Thanks, mom!

And to the all the mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day!

What do moms look like?

So now you're a mother, maybe once you were the Cool girl who had all the guy friends (who prolly thought they'd score). After you became the SAHM and wife, you see them and they begrudgingly shake their head and can't BELIEVE you're a mother, plus not even looking like one.

What's this "You don't look like a mom" thing? What DO moms look like? It brings up body image issues and how becoming a mother automatically categorizes you in the "women with muffin tops and saggy breasts" club. Let it not rule you! Work that SH$% out and become the MYLF you were destined to be. (I try to keep this blog G-rated, so you know the definition of MILF, just exchange the I with YOU!)

Yes, my laundry has suffered and my perfectly purple underwear has bleach stains in unmentionable places, which would cause some to question just how acidic my excretions are LOL. And, you no longer wear the satin Sexy Little Things undie with the peek-a-boo underneath the cute ribbon...but it's ok. Swallow your pride and let the Grannies RULE!

My musical tastes don't reflect my nearly mid-twenties age...yes I raise my arms and announce I like teeny-bopper music. Who cares? You do?...how sad for you. I've been hearing this song on the radio lately and it's got me shaking my head harder than the Roxbury Nights duo. It's great to run to and I shake my tushie so hard I swear my ass stretch marks have doubled. I'm not ashamed. Listen along readers and put on your fave undies and DANCE!

What Oprah says...goes

Oprah says (or has said) that being a mother is the "hardest job in the world." So what if I sneak in some naps sometimes and push the dirty laundry under the bed once in a while. I still waddle my butt over to the kitchen to make my husband a good meal after a hard day's work and whip out my abused nipples for my daughter's dinner. It definitely IS the hardest job in the world. From many mom's experiences, including my own mom's, I guess once your kids start growing up and actually mobilizing themselves and TALKING BACK...I'm in for one hell of a ride.

The first year is our honeymoon phase...and just like any good relationship worth its salt, it'll end and reality begin. You'll actually look back and give a hearty laugh at your naivete, how's that for maturity?

Money has been on my mind of late...just because I don't have any. And I'm too embarrassed to put a PayPal donation link on my blog here, as some have suggested. Who the hell would pay me right? For a SAHM, lack of money cuts your possible activities away by 100%. That leaves me and my daughter planted on the couch...firmly.

We can go to the gym that's already auto-payed, but she'd rather chew off her arm than stay in the child care and give me some workout time. We can go to the park, but she'll start fussing and I'll have to carry her AND push the stroller a half-mile back to the car. Kudos for biceps! What else does that leave us but Target and Old Navy, so we can emptily ogle at the clearance bin. Retail therapy was my thing until I started accumulating 10 boxes of clothes in the basement and had NO need to shop ever again, that is only if I lose the baby fat in order to fit into them...gosh what a waste huh? My daughter's clothes are all ready for the next several months...so there you go.

I'll grab our grocery budget and go crazy in the frozen foods section, that's my fun as of late. Not to give the wrong idea, but we're living on a single income and we have our priorities: emergency fund, if any of us get sick, our beater might break down soon, we are getting ready for a big change and a MOVE in the fall. When I was working before the baby, I saved tuition money for my return in the fall...I'm getting my accelerated second-baccalaureate BS-Nursing degree. Like I said, priorities and therefore, sticking to the WANT vs. NEED concept is important.

I don't want anything that costs me but what I WANT is a free activity that's stimulating...again, sleep is usually the winner. While you sleep, you don't have to do anything, you're not hungry, and not bored, it's free...actually your lusty dreams might keep your HR up and ergo giving you a good fat-burn! He he he.

Anyway, I was reading up on an article that states a value of a SAHM is $134,121 annually, if paid. So I better go nag my husband for an allowance or something.

N.O. - NO!

There was an earthquake in Illinois last night. What??? At least it wasn't around our area, but that was weird...I hear on the morning shows today that even around Chicago, they felt it.
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The post today is regarding discipline and children. How early should parents start and what methods to use? Well, I'm one of those moms that like to receive their weekly emails from BabyCenter, starting when LC was a fetus even, telling me how old is my baby now and what they should be or shouldn't be doing. Well, about two weeks back, the email suggested that I start discipline even if my baby is only turning 8 months today...happy birthday babe!

I have to start using NO! and just letting her know by the tone of my voice that she shouldn't be doing what she is. So I talked to my husband and we started NO-ing away. She'll work SO hard to kind of crawl towards the foot of her jumper and try to suck on the metal foot...so on cue, I say NO! she'll stop, look at me and then continue and I keep repeating NO! She won't go ahead and just do it, every time I say no, she'll look at me...and after a while she just starts crying.

I don't know if she can associate between NO and that she's not allowed to do something, but from the looks of it, she sort of gets the gist...at least that whatever she's doing is displeasing me. So it's not too early to discipline your child and if they catch on quicker, maybe they will keep themselves out of trouble, or at least out of some of it.

Now that toddlerhood approaches, I look forward to TIME OUT and STAND IN THE CORNER....hahaha

Comfort Food

I've been bad...I've eaten approximately 800 calories of pure chocolate over the last three days. When you think that it takes 3500 calories for one pound of fat to form on your body, this poor choice of mine seems like a major setback on the grand scheme of things. Chocolate is definitely one of the comfort foods for me. After dinner, I always feel like popping one sweet thing in my mouth. What to do, what to do? But my chocolate binge is not the topic here.

Speaking of comfort food, if you haven't gotten the gist already from other posts, I'm still nursing my daughter. When I was pregnant, our plan was that I will definitely be a SAHM for the first year of her life. I mentioned before that I will be going back to school in fall right around the same time LC will turn a year-old. As that time draws closer, I've been thinking more about weaning my daughter.

It's definitely going to be a heart-breaking experience, but one that all of us go through whether it's getting weaned from the breast or the bottle. Not only is it food that nourishes our children, but also a source of comfort. When they are crying and nothing calms them, there's nothing like cuddling your child and nursing her that will stop that pouting and sniffling. Even my husband was sad that he doesn't get the same bonding we get through the nursing experience.

My mother breastfeed my siblings and I all for one year and on the anniversary just cut us off cold turkey. After inconsolably crying for several days, the poor things have no choice but take to another food source. When that day comes, I know I'm gonna be bawling as hard as her. Daddy's gonna have to be strong for both of us!

It's been almost 8 months since I've had someone attached to the bosom and now I notice that the milk on the left side is starting to diminish. I've heard from many women that it's completely normal but the side effect is that your chest gets lopsided if you're not careful in emptying the side with the more milk. Obviously you wouldn't want the "TWINS" turn into older and younger sibling and plus pointing in two different directions! I never said they're gonna be like pre-baby...

Anyway, I won't ramble on any longer, it's been on my mind a lot lately and in a weird way, I'm both dreading and looking forward to the separation in that sense. I know that nursing has been a big contributor to the separation anxiety we're both feeling. Come to think of it - when I stop nursing, there's probably 1 or 2 pounds to be lost from my breasts in liquid alone! A mini-Yay for Jojo!

Skin After Pregnancy

There is just so much I can babble about diet and fitness...at the end you just gotta DO IT, STICK WITH IT, and LOSE IT.

Let's move on to the other issue the card of motherhood dealt you with. Beauty or the ruin of it, sob. Yes your figure is part of your beauty, but we are already taking care of that aren't we? The two things I will talk about here are freckles and stretch marks.

The moment I saw this picture when I Googled for stretch marks, because in no way am I gonna lay out my own stretchies here, I stopped completely complaining about my own. Mine are more on the sides and a couple underneath close to my pubic area. Unless you won the lottery in the genetics department, everyone and their mother will tell you that stretch marks are unpreventable.

You can considerably lessen them by gaining the recommended amount of weight during pregnancy (35-40 lbs, I think) and gaining it slowly. I used the Cocoa butters and applied it to the point of madness - it's supposed to help the skin's elasticity - but still in the last trimester, they popped up all purple and itchy. Like my friend's husband joked one time, "I wish I had so much money, I could buy a big tub of cocoa butter and just dip her in it."

I suppose over time they fade into a silvery streak, but they will always be there; they are a testament to the wonder of rearing a whole human being. But after I lose my weight, do you think these stretch marks will stop me from wearing a two-piece bikini? Oh hell NO! I'm gonna spread them out for the world to see, I'm sick of covering myself up. Having a baby and having your body pay for it is nothing to be ashamed of.
The other thing that pregnancy hormones do to you is grant you freckles if you had none before or increase and darken the ones you already have. I already had some freckles to start with but now, I find there's many more and they are darker than before. The shitty thing about discoloration of the skin is that it makes you look OLDER! Geez, I'm only 23 and I'm not ready to look old for another 100 years.

You just can't prevent this, I'm afraid to tell ya. The best thing you can do is use sunscreen whenever you go out so that you don't darken them even more. I thought that after I had the baby, maybe I'll go back to my old light specks but that hasn't happened yet. Nowadays, the beauty industry is cracking down on skin discoloration to help the millions of women in their fight against TIME.

There are creams, lotions, and such with a slight skin lightener infused with added doses of sunscreen. By God, get it if need be. I definitely am looking at a Shiseido one and probably that's what I will want for my first Mother's Day present. Hint *_* Hint Hubby! LOL, I know he's reading this.


Image credits: http://www.lionden.com/slides-skin.htm; http://www.thespiderawards.com; http://piratepapa.blogspot.com

Motherhood Mentality

The funny thing about sleep in this household is that it's...NONEXISTENT! Ok not all the way obviously, but still it's 2AM and my girl just woke up! Who knows when she will go to sleep again, hopefully soon.

Anyway "last" night, I was thinking about the two previous posts I wrote. Especially the family one. To the right here, you will see my daughter skillfully holding her little baby spoon to her mouth while mashing the green bean puree all over her. Our pediatrician told us to get her well acquainted with the veggies before we do the fruits, so that my daughter won't get used to the sweet stuff first only to reject the veggies later.

As CPO, chief purchasing officer, of my family - well at least for groceries :) - it is my responsibility to make sure we all eat a well balanced diet. The first ever battle to a healthy lifestyle is having all the things within reach, on hand...preparing it and eating it is a whole different story. I cook most of the meals so I've gotta be creative you know? Homemade meals can differ just so much...after you exhaust your personal recipes, you gotta look outside your box.

I wasn't like this before and what had changed me? My baby. I think motherhood mentality sets in and everything you do just becomes different. I think of the future ahead when she will understand language, I'm gonna have to start watching what I say, I can't skip brushing my teeth like I do sometimes, I have to be more tidy - basically, everything starts in the home, you have to set a positive example. Like I mentioned before, kids ARE what they are TAUGHT. You start early and all that will set in and become a HABIT, and not a chore for them.

One of the most important things you can do early on is teach your kids healthy eating and exercising. Just make it an integral part of their lives. Don't start when they are teens, don't wait until they start getting pudgy, START when they are babies. That is one commitment I've made to myself...after I reassessed my own life. The surefire way is to set an example, that's why my husband and I are trying to eat healthier and be more active.

I'm not blaming my parents but when I was little not only did they not have the tools and facilities to teach us this, it was hard enough to feed and clothe three kids when both were working full-time. And to the best of their abilities, we were raised well with a full stomach each night. Times are different for me, I live in the US...all foods are available to me and gym facilities as well as children's extracurricular activities are awesome here.

When I was participating in the 5K and saw the parents running with their 9 year olds, I imagined myself doing that with LC in the future. That would be us... Oh well, there's many years until then. For now, I NEED SLEEP!

Love = Weight gain?

When you first enter college, everyone claims you will gain the Freshman Fifteen - mostly from partying I suppose. And on average, most everyone does.

Well here's something interesting, my husband and I had this discussion years back when we first met...that when you fall in love, you gain weight. Could this be true? Maybe not for all...maybe for some yes? As it turns out, we both have! I was quite slim wearing my cute midriffs and he was smokin' with his rippling arms and perky butt (yea babe!). Granted we still try to keep our bods in shape, but it HAS become hard with all the work and the baby taking up all our free time.

So, do single people work harder on keeping their bodies in tip-top shape in the prospect of attracting more mates? And does that also imply that married couples or simply couples don't try so hard anymore...hhmm have we let ourselves go because we know we have someone already? I don't like to think so - I think what basically happened to us is LIFE. Priorities, responsibilities, and crazy schedules with lots of sleep deprivation.

When we were single college students not too long ago, our diets consisted of ramen and eating take-out food that lasted 3 days. Now that we're a family with a budget and other such grown-up stuff, we eat more home-made meals and more healthily, I suppose is the right description. So bad food isn't the assailant here...it is non-movement caused by pure fatigue and lack of time.

Last night, we have come up with a rotating schedule so both of us can have some alone work-out time (at the gym)...I did mostly for the sake of my hubby because the poor guy doesn't have any time for himself. He works all day and then a lot in the evening as a web developer, and is a great dad spending every free time with the baby so I can have my hands free. All veteran parents say the first year is the hardest...now we'll just have to see won't we? There's 4 months left till that day but I do doubt it'll be any easier. Hopefully with this new plan, we can both work-out and keep our energy up and going for the hectic toddler days to come.

What's the secret?

The other day my brother and I were discussing The Secret. He asked me if I had seen the DVD to which I replied, "No, but I did buy the book and immediately returned it (thinking I can't believe this is a bestseller)." Basically you can totally ignore my opinion if you'd like, since I didn't read the book or see the DVD, but in my mind, I know exactly what the hell the secret is and I don't think people should pay to find it out. I guess the claim they make is that through some psychedelic mind power, you can make anything happen in your life that you want. Like I said, I may be wrong.

So, we started discussing about the various things that people and we want in our lives and what the secret really is to getting them. Basically what the Secret, gazillion other self-help gurus, and possibly common sense tell ya are the following:

• Positive Thinking - it does take a while to get out of the slump of negativity and pessimism to get your feet on the path towards your goals, but thinking positively gives you a head start
• Visualization - you have to visualize yourself attaining your goal as if it has already happened; psychological studies prove that those who can, get better results
• Action - obviously you can't think yourself over to a million bucks and flat abs, you must work hard and diligently...this one is a no-brainer

Of course, I have many goals and plans for the future, but the most immediate one is to be a good mommy to my offspring and to be happy doing it. The one thing about becoming a mother and going through such a big life change is (at least in my opinion) that you devote yourself so fully to this little munchkin and your family that your individual identity becomes a little lost, a little too modified. You guys know my big focus right now is on the physical - to become the old me by losing the weight I gained during the pregnancy. Achieving this goal will make me happy and the "happy me", in turn, will be a better mom and wife.

It is not vanity per se, it's a way for me to regain my old identity by being inside a more familiar body. It IS very hard to motivate and inspire yourself to go ahead and just do it, so I positively think that "this is attainable and quite feasible" and visualize by putting out my old, favorite, and smaller size clothes for me to see myself in them soon; putting up inspirational pictures and words around my workout area and my mirror. I think, these are the places where you most judge yourself: you look at the mirror and start demeaning your current image, or you look at your treadmill and despise it.

In the spirit of this post, I (unbelievably) am going to share one of my own, yes dorky, motivational pictures and post-its which I taped on my bedroom mirror to remind myself of the change that is yet to take place.If there's anything you want to change in your life, put up things around your house that will help you visualize your dreams, inspire and motivate you to think positively, and go ahead - take that first proactive step today!

Keeping up with Mrs. Jones

This morning I met up with one of my SS friends (that's single & skinny, yes that's right) for breakfast at a fabulous new eatery close by. I do remember when we were both SS together pre-lollipop, but you know how that went. I absolutely adore her, but there's nothing like a little envy to get your butt more motivated. Yea, I guess the whole concept of "Keeping up with Mrs. Jones" is not healthy, but who cares...it works for me and don't deny that it doesn't for you!

Afterwards, I used my daughter's nap to go get my 2 miles in for the day and it feels great that after a while of walking, your steps just seems to get lighter and faster. During my silent, thought-filled walk I started pondering about friendship. Not at any one's fault, it is inevitable that once you become a mommy, you definitely don't spend as much time with your SS friends anymore: your priorities are different and your interests have parted ways.

So you hawk on the other mommies to see if they will befriend you. Back in the day I thought that I will see another novice mom and naively imagined we would look at each other through our black-circled, red-streaked eyes and hug each other like two chimpanzees coming down opposite trees... so much for wishful thinking.

Yes, there is that polite curtsy smile we throw each other as we pass each other by, but at the same time we instantly compare our bodies, our babies, and our stroller brands as well. It's like a rat race to see whose baby develops faster, who loses the baby fat more, who had the longest labor....and disturbingly enough, who has a better post-delivery sex life. Don't even ask! I couldn't even imagine being cornered by the Maternal Nazi at the Mommy & Me club, so I didn't even show my face. Where is the camaraderie people?

Image credit: http://www.stevelanasa.com/images/envy/envy232.jpg

What do you do all day?

I'm starting this novel today by Amy Scheibe called well, obviously, "What Do You Do All Day?" Publishers Weekly says, "Scheibe's hilarious debut is rife with wry observations from one overwhelmed mother of two...With a light touch and a sparkling plot, Scheibe takes on the conundrums and beauty of motherhood."

So what if I got it from the bargain rack over at B&N for $5 bucks, it still looks like a fabulous read. The bookworm in me is anxious to read all motherly novels and the woman in me is disturbed by the dirty misconception that stay-at-home moms are often thought of as lazy hermits (well I AM wording it a little harshly). But yes, many moms are asked WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY?

Well, shite, my darling, how about cleaning up spit-up everywhere, changing the damn onesie about five million times, get dinner on the table, feed yourself, feed your baby, get yourself back from letting yourself go, change diapers yet again, get groceries, do the laundry 4 days in a row, clean the house, find some "me" time in the abyss, and etc.! I'll write a little review when I am done, which I bet is not going to be in a while - not that I'm a slow reader but just because there are other MILLiON things to do for this mama. I love reading so if you have recommendations, post them in the comments!